Update from Steve

September 12, 2011

Hello everyone,

First of all, I want to express our sincere and deep-felt gratitude to all of you that participated in any way in the fundraiser dinner last Wednesday at East Elementary.  Julie and I were completely blown away by how many people showed up from not only her school, but from our LDS stake and community in general.  The dinner turned out to be a great success and we will be forever grateful to this wonderful community for their love and support.  Julie was actually able to attend for about 30 minutes to try and thank as many people as she could.  I tried to talk her out of going, as she was in great discomfort, but I couldn’t talk her out of it.  When she makes up her mind to do something, there’s no turning back.  She really wanted everyone to know how much she loves them and how thankful she is.  It was heartwarming for me to see many of the kids currently at the school and older kids and their parents that have moved on to Jr. High and High school come up to Julie and express their appreciation for her.  We were truly moved and are extremely thankful to everyone.

I am writing this on Monday night, and the house is quiet.  At least I thought it was quiet.  I just got back from putting Julie back into her bed…she is getting her days and nights mixed up and I found her in the bathroom putting on her makeup and brushing her hair getting ready for the day.  It is 10:45 pm.  I asked her why she was up at this time of the night, and she said that she was getting ready to go to Emelie’s soccer game at 6:00 pm.  Bless her heart…when I told her what day and time it really was, she got this sheepish little grin on her face and she said that she had better put me back to bed.    It was a sweet moment.

Julie is sleeping a lot now, most of the time, in fact.  Her cancer is advancing rapidly, and the only way that she can truly be comfortable is to sleep.  Lab reports as of this past Friday show the cancer is moving into her vital organs, causing more discomfort.  This is so hard for me, as it seems I can do nothing except be with her and hold her hand and tell her how much I love her.  Julie has received many priesthood blessings from myself and others, and I know that she has been comforted deeply because of these. 

Because the cancer tumors are so aggressive, Julie and her doctors (and I) decided to stop her I.V. nutrition as of Friday the 9^th.  It seems that any nutrition we were feeding Julie was just being robbed by the tumors and her body was receiving none of the food whatsoever.  No matter how much food we were trying to put into her, she was getting none of it and the tumors were the only things benefiting.  Additionally, her body just was not processing the food normally and as a result, the food was causing her more nausea and discomfort.  Since we stopped the feeding, her nausea and pain have greatly been reduced, so it seems like this was the correct decision.  Stopping the feeding will have no effect on her life expectancy, since for the past week or so she wasn’t getting any food anyway.  This was a very difficult choice for us; however, I want to reassure everyone that we are not starving Julie in any way.  The cancer is doing that.  I am comforted by the fact that her pain and nausea are FINALLY under control.  She is not aware that she is not receiving food through her I.V. tube even though I have reminded her each time she asks.  Her body seems to be so much more at peace with itself since the feeding was stopped.  Julie physically feels no hunger or thirst, for which I am very thankful. 

 

Julie’s strength and optimism are astounding to witness.  When she is awake and able to speak, she is always concerned more about everyone else than she is for herself.  She dictates long lists of thank-you notes she wants to write and asks me about how people in our congregation and community are doing.  

We had a quiet weekend for the most part.  It was good to have some “alone time” with Julie and just sit with her and hold her hand and not have to say anything.  Emelie and I both sense inwardly that her time here in mortality is becoming very short but also feel that she is fully prepared for the next life to come.  She is a remarkable and noble daughter of God; it is such a blessing for me to have the honor to be her eternal companion.